Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
