Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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