sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
