Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
