So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
