my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
