I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
