If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
