Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
