Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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