you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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