Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
