On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
