As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
