He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
