Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
