Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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