I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
