i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
