i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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