tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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