It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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