the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
