It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
