I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
