I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize