Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
