what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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