this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize