is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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