The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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