I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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