Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
