Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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