naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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