I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
