guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
