you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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