there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
