When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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