69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Still dying that you shit outside
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
