Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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