sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
