Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
