I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
