twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
