Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
