some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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