I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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