sarcasm needs its own font
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
