if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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