That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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