I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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