yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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