I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
this hospital has no fireball
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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