She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
