I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
