I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
