I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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