yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
