I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
