It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
