YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize