That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
