so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
