Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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