I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just pee around me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize