Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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