there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
