Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
