felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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