New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
