i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
