yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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