Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
